The Last Leap

The wind blew my hair into disarray,
As I stood at the very edge,
Breathing in the dusty evening air,
And trying my hardest not to retch.

My myopic vision blurred the distant buildings,
Focusing on nothing but the ground,
It seemed too soft for my liking,
Apprehension clawed at me, like a terrified hound.

There was a tumultuous overflow of doubts inside my head,
Will I make it? Could I succeed?
After years of strife and sorrow and pain,
Will I finally be freed?

It hurt to think of all the sufferings I had endured,
For, they were the strangling noose,
Born along with me, a shadow that suffocates,
Always resisting my attempts to break loose.

Stuck in a course I had come to detest,
Studying for something I never want to be,
This place of education that I now stand upon,
Had morphed into the monsters, in my nightmares I see.

My home, my sanctuary the tell me it is,
Had become my very own concentration camp,
It was the place where my dreams had been shattered,
The bitter memories too hard to tamp.

There was nought one can do, when, 
The very people, who were supposed to have your back,
Become bent on turning you into something you're not,
Reminding you constantly that it is many a thing you lack.

Considered a constant disappointment, a curse upon the family,
Never being able to speak my mind,
Life at home was akin to hell, for,
They never understood, that each child was one of a kind.

As I stand at the top of the building, ready,
To end this pathetic survival, not on a whim,
My mind drifted to the one I would miss most,
The one who'd made me wish for a future. Him.

He came into my life like a beacon of hope,
Making me want to live long, despite everything else,
He gave me dreams, he gave me nervous butterflies,
His eyes bewitched me better than magic spells.

He made me feel alive and beautiful,
Never letting me drop my smile,
He was everything I thought the man of my dreams would be,
My love for him stretched to many a mile.

But just like every awry aspect of my life,
It wasn't much later that I came to know,
That he favored another, someone much better than me,
Upon all that was weighing me down, it was the final blow.

I tried so hard to banish his thoughts,
Wanting him to be happy no matter what,
That was when I decided that he should never know,
And hid my feelings deep within, left alone to rot.

It is a secret I'm taking to the grave, my unrequited love,
The only beautiful thing in my otherwise ugly life,
The only memory I hold close to my heart,
As I stand here, to end my twenty-two year long strife.

I sent him a silent apology, one that would never reach him,
As tears burn my eyes at what I'm about to do,
I took a deep breath, knowing it was one of my last,
And mentally berated myself for crying anew.

He would think me a coward,
Just like everyone else out there,
No one but me knew the battles I've fought,
About their baseless accusations, I haven't a care.

Yet there was just one thing I wished I could change,
As I wondered if I should have fought for my love,
For, it was the only thing I gave up without a fight,
And the only regret that stood above.

As I closed my eyes and took that last leap,
My atheistic lips murmured at odds,
"Please don't ever let him find out about my love,
For it would kill him, Please Gods."

The Real Message

    As seems to be the current trend wherein everyone has something to say about BBC's short film India's Daughter, well, so have I. I was quite apprehensive about the gory details the film could reveal and thought twice before playing it. But as I finished watching, the stuff that had actually infuriated, disgusted and alarmed me, were those that were way out of my imagination. For example, a well-bred, educated and respected person in the society, a lawyer no less, states with the utmost conviction, "There is no place for women in our society." If that is how a person high up society's ladder thinks, with years and years of education behind him, India, is in quite a pathetic state indeed. There was another of the defence lawyers that said he would burn his sister/daughter alive, in front of his whole family, if she 'disgraces' herself before marriage. Compared to this, I felt the convict's shameless recollections were less outrageous. The men like those lawyers walk free, camouflaged among us with their neat outfits and cultured speech.

    I do not know what Leslee Udwin hoped to convey with this film of hers's, but as I sat there just as the film ended, there were just three words in bright red flashing in front of my eyes- 'GIRL, SAVE YOURSELF', 'Cause lets face it, as much as we keep 'hoping' that the society would change for the better and treat women with the respect they deserve, it is NOT going to happen. Not with people like those lawyers still out there and continue to be. Patriarchy has always been the way of life in our nation and will continue to be. It is going to take another hundred years or so to change that state and it would not be enough even then. No matter how much we protest against abuse of women, rapes and molests keep happening everywhere. Ladies, lets step out of the cinematic delusion that a guy will jump out of thin air, punch your molester in the face and save you. And neither is Lord Krishna going to send you yards and yards of saree when someone pulls at your cloths. Apparently he does that only for royal princesses. The bitter truth is, no one cares. Even if some do, they won't be there to save you. Any saving that's going to be done is by you. And it's the only way out.
 
    Agreed, we aren't as strong as the men but there are certain defence tips that we could remember and put to use when needed. These are simple, effective and easy to remember and could very well be life-saving.

1. If you don't have pepper sprays or perfume or chilli powder or sand to blind him, use your good old fingers to poke him in the eye. Really hard. It will blind him and give you enough time to escape.

2. Then there's the age-old defence move, the kick to the groin. Use your knee or foot and hit as hard as you can with all your strength. It will paralyze your attacker.

3. Anything is a weapon. Rocks, sticks, rods and pretty much any heavy or sharp object you could find can be used as a weapon on your attacker.

4. If you could find a thin stick (or you could  carry an empty gel pen refill), stick it hard into the attacker's ear. It will burst the ear drums and cause enough pain to disable him for a couple minutes.

5. The front side of the throat is where the windpipe is. If you punch there, you disable the person. A hard enough punch can even kill them. Not to worry, since the law allows you to kill anyone who's trying to rape you.

6. If you're being held close enough, knee or elbow him in stomach. This makes it difficult to breathe and the attacker will loosen his hold on you.

7. If you are thinking of punching him in the face, load your punch. Pull your arm back from the attacker's face as much as you can before you slam forward.

8. If you could shove your palm into the attacker's nose, its even better. Hit hard. If you can't get your palms up there, use your forehead. It is even more effective.

9. Last on the list and probably the first thing you should do when in danger is shout. Scream your lungs out. If there's a chance of you being heard (which is not mostly the case, which is why i'm listing it last) make use of it.

    These moves doesn't need muscle and is perfect for even the puniest of women and young girls. If you're reading this, make sure you pass those points to every girl you care about and to even those you don't, for, that simple gesture could save a life. Oh, and today is the 8th of March! Happy Women's Day! (And that's the most ironical thing I've ever said.)