The wind blew my hair into disarray,
As I stood at the very edge,
Breathing in the dusty evening air,
And trying my hardest not to retch.
My myopic vision blurred the distant buildings,
Focusing on nothing but the ground,
It seemed too soft for my liking,
Apprehension clawed at me, like a terrified hound.
There was a tumultuous overflow of doubts inside my head,
Will I make it? Could I succeed?
After years of strife and sorrow and pain,
Will I finally be freed?
It hurt to think of all the sufferings I had endured,
For, they were the strangling noose,
Born along with me, a shadow that suffocates,
Always resisting my attempts to break loose.
Stuck in a course I had come to detest,
Studying for something I never want to be,
This place of education that I now stand upon,
Had morphed into the monsters, in my nightmares I see.
My home, my sanctuary the tell me it is,
Had become my very own concentration camp,
It was the place where my dreams had been shattered,
The bitter memories too hard to tamp.
There was nought one can do, when,
The very people, who were supposed to have your back,
Become bent on turning you into something you're not,
Reminding you constantly that it is many a thing you lack.
Considered a constant disappointment, a curse upon the family,
Never being able to speak my mind,
Life at home was akin to hell, for,
They never understood, that each child was one of a kind.
As I stand at the top of the building, ready,
To end this pathetic survival, not on a whim,
My mind drifted to the one I would miss most,
The one who'd made me wish for a future. Him.
He came into my life like a beacon of hope,
Making me want to live long, despite everything else,
He gave me dreams, he gave me nervous butterflies,
His eyes bewitched me better than magic spells.
He made me feel alive and beautiful,
Never letting me drop my smile,
He was everything I thought the man of my dreams would be,
My love for him stretched to many a mile.
But just like every awry aspect of my life,
It wasn't much later that I came to know,
That he favored another, someone much better than me,
Upon all that was weighing me down, it was the final blow.
I tried so hard to banish his thoughts,
Wanting him to be happy no matter what,
That was when I decided that he should never know,
And hid my feelings deep within, left alone to rot.
It is a secret I'm taking to the grave, my unrequited love,
The only beautiful thing in my otherwise ugly life,
The only memory I hold close to my heart,
As I stand here, to end my twenty-two year long strife.
I sent him a silent apology, one that would never reach him,
As tears burn my eyes at what I'm about to do,
I took a deep breath, knowing it was one of my last,
And mentally berated myself for crying anew.
He would think me a coward,
Just like everyone else out there,
No one but me knew the battles I've fought,
About their baseless accusations, I haven't a care.
Yet there was just one thing I wished I could change,
As I wondered if I should have fought for my love,
For, it was the only thing I gave up without a fight,
And the only regret that stood above.
As I closed my eyes and took that last leap,
My atheistic lips murmured at odds,
"Please don't ever let him find out about my love,
For it would kill him, Please Gods."
As I stood at the very edge,
Breathing in the dusty evening air,
And trying my hardest not to retch.
My myopic vision blurred the distant buildings,
Focusing on nothing but the ground,
It seemed too soft for my liking,
Apprehension clawed at me, like a terrified hound.
There was a tumultuous overflow of doubts inside my head,
Will I make it? Could I succeed?
After years of strife and sorrow and pain,
Will I finally be freed?
It hurt to think of all the sufferings I had endured,
For, they were the strangling noose,
Born along with me, a shadow that suffocates,
Always resisting my attempts to break loose.
Stuck in a course I had come to detest,
Studying for something I never want to be,
This place of education that I now stand upon,
Had morphed into the monsters, in my nightmares I see.
My home, my sanctuary the tell me it is,
Had become my very own concentration camp,
It was the place where my dreams had been shattered,
The bitter memories too hard to tamp.
There was nought one can do, when,
The very people, who were supposed to have your back,
Become bent on turning you into something you're not,
Reminding you constantly that it is many a thing you lack.
Considered a constant disappointment, a curse upon the family,
Never being able to speak my mind,
Life at home was akin to hell, for,
They never understood, that each child was one of a kind.
As I stand at the top of the building, ready,
To end this pathetic survival, not on a whim,
My mind drifted to the one I would miss most,
The one who'd made me wish for a future. Him.
He came into my life like a beacon of hope,
Making me want to live long, despite everything else,
He gave me dreams, he gave me nervous butterflies,
His eyes bewitched me better than magic spells.
He made me feel alive and beautiful,
Never letting me drop my smile,
He was everything I thought the man of my dreams would be,
My love for him stretched to many a mile.
But just like every awry aspect of my life,
It wasn't much later that I came to know,
That he favored another, someone much better than me,
Upon all that was weighing me down, it was the final blow.
I tried so hard to banish his thoughts,
Wanting him to be happy no matter what,
That was when I decided that he should never know,
And hid my feelings deep within, left alone to rot.
It is a secret I'm taking to the grave, my unrequited love,
The only beautiful thing in my otherwise ugly life,
The only memory I hold close to my heart,
As I stand here, to end my twenty-two year long strife.
I sent him a silent apology, one that would never reach him,
As tears burn my eyes at what I'm about to do,
I took a deep breath, knowing it was one of my last,
And mentally berated myself for crying anew.
He would think me a coward,
Just like everyone else out there,
No one but me knew the battles I've fought,
About their baseless accusations, I haven't a care.
Yet there was just one thing I wished I could change,
As I wondered if I should have fought for my love,
For, it was the only thing I gave up without a fight,
And the only regret that stood above.
As I closed my eyes and took that last leap,
My atheistic lips murmured at odds,
"Please don't ever let him find out about my love,
For it would kill him, Please Gods."
I really don't know what to say and how to express what I feel..., It did fill my eyes with lil tears but acted the same way as a fuel to burn my heart.
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